All That Remains CD - Exo

Do people really make this music anymore? I guess so. The band's name should have given it all away, and then I wouldn't have even had to listen to the CD. But I did, and am worse for it so that you, hopefully, don't have to. The sad thing here is that there are quite a few good beats and synth melodies on All That Remains. They are submerged, however, in the most contrived, hokey pantomime of bad 1980s music that is only seen or heard from in movies to be made fun of or set up and buttress a completely cheesy or embarrassing scene. That is this whole album. At one point, the frontman whispers something to the effect of "You're a Unicorn / You're the last of your kind" and something about "cukoo clocks" during the stupidly titled "Dirt City Rollers." The record even opens with an eight-second audio clip from a call-in show where the woman speaking says, "They're flat out lying about their members." She said "members." Har-har-huck-huck. Get it? Me neither. (Nick Margiasso)



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